If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
