I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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