I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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