For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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