I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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