it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
