If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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