the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
