Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
