dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
