Don't you send me to vm
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
