I hate your face
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize