the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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