Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
