Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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