Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
