You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
