No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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