Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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