So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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