Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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