and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
