apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
