No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
