I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
