I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize