I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
