Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she looked like the before picture.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
