I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
