doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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