As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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