i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
