let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
