I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
