HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
