Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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