you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
