Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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