Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
