I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
