If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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