yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
