My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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