mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
