Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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