I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Boobs speak an international language.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
