I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
