I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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