In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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