He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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