nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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