Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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