babies were throwing up all over the place
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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