A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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