I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
