I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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