I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
