Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
