she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
