Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
