She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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