i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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