Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just wanna soil my oats bro
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
