so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
