What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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