No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
