Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
