Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize