how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
