she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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